3 Types of Toxic People In Your Life

 

3 Types of Toxic People In Your Life 

People aren’t toxic

Their traits are 

You can’t be immune to it 

But you can identify it 

Toxic people come in as many shapes and sizes as candies. They don’t always come in the form of a narcissist or manipulative person who is controlling and belittling. There are far wider tendencies to look out for. 

I want to shed light on the more subtle and a much more unseen form of toxicity that people slowly but steadily disperse into our lives.

Emotion Invalidators. We all have friends and acquaintances who are always making jokes at somebody's, or even our, expense, and yes, they fill any enjoyable relationship with laughs and smiles.Things start turning down hill for you when you are the one being constantly laughed at and it makes you uncomfortable. When you are being made fun of, even after clearly stating how much it bothers you. The times where you are told statements of these natures: “You take things too seriously,” “Come on, don’t be a drama queen” or “Why are you overreacting?” Those are the moments we question our emotions and behaviours negatively. 

These invalidators lack depth, the ability to be compassionate, understanding and empathetic.They disregard any feelings of yours that they are not ready to address.  Failing to have these qualities hampers in forging a strong and mutually healthy relationship. With them you can never completely express your feelings and thoughts because the fear of being ridiculed is constantly looming over you. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel all and every kind of emotion. You aren’t being dramatic; you are being you, and if someone can’t take that, it’s on them. 

The Leeches. They are like leeches disguised as butterflies. Who look pretty, weak and fragile from the outside so we let them into our lives, intending to provide support. We see them as helpless, naïve, needing help and care. They have a typical characteristic of offloading all their emotional agony on you. For them, you are just an emotional dumping ground. This is a one-way relationship. They only come to you in times of distress with no genuine connection thereafter. But for you, it feels like the other person is bonding with you. This situation creates a sense of power and resourcefulness for you. But beneath the layers you are the powerless one constantly being taken advantage of. If you genuinely consider their problem, it affects you. The constant emotional offloading turns out adversely affecting your mood and behaviour. And it slowly crumbles you down. In this relationship, it does not benefit you. There is an illusion of being helpful, but there’s no real gain for you. Mostly the people who are too nice cannot see just how bad it is. We often care more for this person and our drive to help them blinds us to the fact that they become a drain on us. Instead of lifting each other up, it's only one being lifted, often at the other's expense. These relationships ultimately are unsustainable and the person doing all the giving will always be the one that is worse off.

Pathological liars. These aren’t the ones who falsify their entire identity and make up big false stories. They are the ones who are constantly adding tiny hints of lies in their interactions. Trivial stuff just to show that they are at par with you or better. It could stem from a feeling of insecurity in a group of friends. An insecurity that is completely a makeup of the mind with no base of reality. With them, you can’t ever hold a conversation and not think what parts were false. You always have to filter out and second guess everything they say. This reveals how much lack of trust is there. Trust is one of the key pillars of a strong relationship. If you don’t trust them it’s because they haven’t given you a chance to trust them or because they never can be trusted. 

I have had my fair share of experiences with all these kinds of people. It’s an arduous process recognising them among everyone we interact with, and an even harder cutting them from our lives. Nevertheless, it is one of the most important steps to take, not only for the sake of our sanity and mental well-being, but also because of having our own individuality and self respect and not being rolled over by people. Cutting them off is the last resort when all means of communication and persuasion to make them see the reality have failed. It could very well be that we are one of these kinds of people and it is us who are toxic. This doesn’t mean that we are full of ill intentions; we could subconsciously do these. After realising these toxic traits of ours, we can take steps to improve not only the lives of those who we interact with but also our relationships.

What matters is pure and true intentions with genuine felicity felt around someone. A relationship should be nothing close to a burden, a place where your feelings are unacknowledged, where you are being taken undue advantage of or being in the company of someone who’s words can never be trusted. We deserve the right kind of happiness and respect even if we, at times, don’t feel so.