A final goodbye to all the friends I lost over the years

Lately I have been having a lot of dreams. I don't particularly like my dreams, because they tend to be quite close to reality. And at points in my life I start questioning if it really did happen or was a sign from my subconscious. Either way, I have been dreaming about all the people in my life that I don't have anymore. It feels as if I never moved away from those friendships. It's a nice thought remembering them to reminisce about the good old days. 

But I have such a long list of people I almost find it exhausting. So here are all my friendships over the course of 18 years that have faded with time or lost touch or desired to part ways. They still live with me, and this is my much delayed goodbye to them.  

A last goodbye to all the friends I lost over the years.

G I miss you. I am so sorry for the way I left. We never got to say goodbye. And it is all my fault. I was too proud to say sorry at the time. But you were the closed one I had for a long time. I never got a more amazing cycling buddy after you. Our tradition of going to the little store down the street every evening and buying chips and cola. Drinking from the same bottle at our secret spot. I remember how your little brother would annoy us. I went over to your place to play temple run for the first time. You made fun of my armpit hair and called me an ape. Ah, now that I think of those memories, I would do anything to get them back again. Your weird witch laugh was terrifying, but honestly it was mind blowing. Take care you'll do amazing. 

AM I'm graduating in a few months. And when I think about the very first friend that I made in this very school from 2007. I recall nothing about you, other than this hazy image of us running during lunch on the tiled floor. I remember you were someone I absolutely adored. Just one memory is enough to remind me about our beautiful times together. 

R By far the smartest guy I knew. We had such great laughs, mostly centred around my last name. I remember how you introduced me to English music. You had a book full of song lyrics and we would spend time in between classes singing and filling it. You were the first person to sing a song to me, it was Firework by Katy Perry. We had this weird pen switching tradition. That no one got except us. Then I made a decision at the time I thought was right, or maybe I didn't think it through. Sometimes you get greedy and want more than friendship, so yeah that costed me this beautiful friendship. 

AD I had you for quite some time but wasn't ever close to you. We just matched in the most absurd ways. Then we lost touch, and when we reconnected, it was great. I don't know how we ended up fading again, but the conversations we had centred around your deepest vulnerabilities is one of the greatest conversations that I have till date. I'm so thankful that you would open up to me like that. 

Y We had the greatest friendship at the time. You were the longest best friend I had 7 years. I remember telling you about my first crush and your reaction. Our trip to the haunted house. Your mom's amazing food. Us transitioning from little girls to grown up teens.But a series of miscommunication added with inadequate effort on one's side dooms a friendship. We were invincible, or that is what I thought. I think I overestimated us. But what I know is we are different now, our values and vision of the world are different and that's okay. I'm glad to have had us.  

J I saw you every day for three years and honestly I didn't want it to stop. You'd always make fun of my name and somewhere I liked it. You were so competitive about your grades and I always had fun beating you in every class but math. The one memory of you being the sweetest was when I falsely got caught for cheating on the computer practical. And how you assured me that things will be okay, when I was bawling my eyes out. We just became different people, hung around different people. It's part of growing up again, I'll say you made those three years worthwhile. I looked forward to come to school to have a silly banter with you. 

M I still remember the embarrassing time you pointed out that my underwear was flashing when I was trying to do a silly dance move. I never wore yellow tights, ever again. Your love for dancing and over dramatizing things. Our unusual encounter at the fair with the old creepy man trying to kidnap us. Our routine during Pujo to have ice lollies and find which Madagascar character we got. I will do anything to keep those memories alive. You were a human embodiment of energy. Forever dancing and being chirpy. We would steal raw mangoes from old people's front yards. The time I would go to your house to dance on the latest Bollywood songs and shake some ass and you'd come over to mine to play games on my computer. All these things take me back to your smily face. 

Anupama circa 2007

These people made my childhood. Eternally indebted to these kids.