UNDERSTANDING our EMOTIONS and EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT

“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them". - Oscar Wilde

Often we feel overwhelmed by emotions not knowing either their origin, objective and destination. They are like waves constantly returning to the shore and wiping away our sanity. We feel strong emotions of euphoria, bliss and peace or uncomfortable, unsettling emotions filled with anxiousness and despair.

One may say to not attach yourself to any emotions, to be completely unaffected by things around you. Just the way stoics do it, but that requires you to achieve a state.(where cutting weed and smoking weed are just the same no better than the other)

This view doesn't allow us to enjoy that pint of ice cream. No one wants to not enjoy a pint of ice cream. So what do we do? we can't avoid our most human characteristic.

In the long term suppressing negative emotions only makes us more miserable. You may finish that research paper right before the deadline. Even after procrastinating for a month, but managing emotions is a different ball game in comparison to time management.

How do we make friends with our uncomfortable emotions? how to accommodate feel good and feel bad emotions together?

The longer you go without interacting with your emotions the harder it becomes being acquaintances with them. When you realize that those emotions are your own both the good and bad. Things start to look a little brighter.

Management skills and emotional intelligence isn't something that requires huge investment of time.

Things I do to become friends with my unpleasant emotions -

• Hold myself accountable : I make it a point to emphasize that what I am feeling is natural and not something totally inhumane.
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• Acknowledge feelings : I am sharing my feelings with myself. I don't hide or deny what I am going through if I feel sad or angry I acknowledge that.

• Understanding different types of feelings : with the advent of language we have plethora of words to rightly and accurately describe our feelings. it is essential for self management to understand the right feeling for the right diagnosis. ( check the link for an elaborate vocabulary on different emotions https://www.healthline.com/health/list-of-emotions)

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• Tracing back to the causes : Play the past few interactions in your head and stop every now and then to assess what you were feeling in that moment. If you feel positive emotions move forward, when you feel a negative emotion stop and go a little behind and focus on the very second that made you feel uncomfortable.

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• Diving deep and asking questions: This is the most challenging part. Here you confront your actual problem. What made you anxious, sad, worried or angry. You will have to understand word by word where the root cause of the issue lies.

• Emotional awareness: Now we know the cause and what made us feel emotions and we are out of the "i don't know why i am feeling like this phase" congratulations you have already improved your self management skills.

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• Confrontation : Things will not change unless you make an effort, so if someone said or did something that made you feel a certain way(not a pleasant one of course.) go and let them know (unless they have psychic abilities).
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• Incorporating regular emotional monitoring : Those feelings that you have dealt with will make a comeback in your life. Only now will you be familiar with them and understand the reasons for their occurrences.

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• These are only applicable when there is even a slightest chance for the situation to reorient itself.

Dealing with emotions that are irreversible, some incidents and certain situations that can't be undone are harder. I may not know the relevant details of your ordeal but these general statements have the universal capacity to provide a rather comforting end.

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• You don't own anything in this world all the people, physical materials, feelings were somethings borrowed you never owned them and neither will you ever be able to, enjoy while they are there and don't lament its loss.
• Sadly but most importantly all good things do come to an end and it's for the best only when it ends we realize the magnitude of it's importance in our lives. Every thing is transitory :)

Tips to keep emotions in check and cope with confusion

Start journaling : it only requires a paper and pen sit down and just brain dump- write about all the things you are feeling they don't have to be the most organized and well structured the aim is to get it out on paper so your head becomes clear.

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• Do things consciously : when you are working on something or having fun be aware of your emotions it will help you when you don't feel your best self.

• Everyone has different coping techniques some people like to be in the company of those who make them feel better and understand them others like to figure out their emotions in solitude and one should always be accepting of the ways our loved ones prefer to deal.